Do not fool yourself, loneliness is never a choice. It’s just that you’ve given up on the “silly” little things people cling to in order to escape it. And thus you fell too deep into the hole of isolation, where no sound, nor light could ever reach, thinking that it will somehow make you superior to the ones who desperately want to be noticed.
Lingering there, for years and years, you can feel it from time to time, don’t you? Or rather, when you occasionally can no longer feel you get a hint of how scary it is, when loneliness slowly drowns you, trying to deprive you from all your senses.
And when your weakened soul strives to emerge again from the horrifying grip of non-existence, those little things are what you hold onto, as they come to the rescue.
The memory of that silly girl that once asked you to take her picture as she tried to fake a smile, the question about your opinion on someone’s little unimportant achievement, the pushy father who excessively demanded you eat something that he just made you to keep you healthy. Oh, how guilty you feel now for complaining about it.
Never before has it ever hit you, how devastating it was for that woman, when she knew she might not be able to give birth, never have you looked at her talkative nature, as a way to run away from all the thoughts of how unlucky she is.
You can see it all now, the tears of a mother whenever she looked into the void of your eyes, thinking she’s lost you, now it hits you differently, the memory of her screaming at you to get you back to your sense.
Oh, the smiles of those innocent little children as they looked at you, now they bring tears to your eyes, as you can now hear the angelic voice that used to come from within them, begging you to stay, telling you that there is more to life than you think.
You silly fragile little thing, you’re just like them, you also want to be noticed, you’re just more greedy. In fact, they’re all better than you, little compliments are enough to keep them going, a little act of kindness, a small portion of love, but you, you want it all, you want to be god when you know you’re just like them, only human.
Vein-Ink
